VIRGINITY OR VIRTUE?

WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT TRAIT IN A WOMAN? Her Virginity or Her Virtuous Qualities?

It is no longer news that we live in a decaying world where nearly every good practice is ridiculed and termed 'old fashioned'. The values and morals our ancestors held in high esteem are being dragged in the mud by the youths of today. The reason? They feel they have been liberated and can now explore as much as they desire while damning the consequences.

In earlier times in many parts of the then world (I mean even before Christianity came to Africa), girls were expected to 'keep' their bodies till they married. Husbands reserved the exclusive rights to deflower their brides on their matrimonial bed. Anything short of this brought shame to her and her family. This often leads to death, curses or other grievous consequences.

The reason behind this tradition is not far fetched. Virginity was only the only way to tell that a woman was not carrying another man's baby as at her wedding. It also assured the man that she has been chaste and would likely be free form sexually transmitted infections and diseases.

Virginity however is still held in high esteem in many religious circles especially Christianity. Moral chastity is often equaled to a spiritual virtue. Mary the mother of Jesus was a virgin and that quality amongst other virtues she possessed then made her the best candidate for such a Holy Child as Jesus the Son of God.

The world has always been in favor of men against women. Many times, some of these women (or girls) lost their virginity because they were abused by men whom they trusted. They were violated but couldn't stand up to fight for themselves. Who would even listen to me? They must have thought.

These women were made to suffer alone as if they deflowered themselves. No one cared to ask which man was responsible. Fellow women and sometimes men join to proclaim doom to these girls for crimes they did not commit alone.

In today's world, it is much easier to speak up as women are now been given a chance to lend their voice in matters relating to their lives. There are many organisations that help victims of rape and abuse get help as well as prosecute the criminals involved.

As good as this sounds, many girls are still victims of sexual harassment. They have no idea that they can speak up and shame the monster. Some have resolved to fate and many others have entered the world of prostitution after all, what's good about them? You will be shocked that many girls conclude that they are simply sex objects who should trade their bodies for money.

You might wonder why this much preamble? It might seem to you that  I have lost track of what I had in mind when I started out to write on this topic. That's not true at all. I might publish another article where I would dive into the topic of sexual harassment but for now, I'll just talk about Virtue or Virginity in respect of making valid marital decisions.

Virginity is simply a state of being chaste especially before marriage. In a female, it implies that a male sex organ has not penetrated the her sex organ. Usually when this happens, there is an accompanying tear whereby the tissue covering her organ is broken by the man's organ and the evidence is that there would be a blood stain.

It is however worthy to note that this is not the case. Some girls who might have engaged in strenuous activity like sports may not experience this. They are likely to have ruptured the tissue during such rigorous exercises and there might be no blood stain the first time they have sex.

I recently found myself arguing with someone on the topic above. We were trying to convince each other on which one of virginity or virtue should be the most important thing a man looks out for in a woman with whom he hopes to share the rest of his life.

He like many other christians seemed to be very keen on virginity. He went as far as telling me that he would take the lady he desires to marry to a medical personnel to run a test on her inorder to ascertain that she is truly a virgin. I was too shocked for words and you can imagine that because I felt that was extreme, He concluded that I support promiscuity. How ridiculous!


I need the opinion of others in respect of this. What exactly do you look out for in a lady? Are you trying to tell me that you will spend the rest of your life reminiscing about how you broke through the opening of your wife's sexual organ on your wedding night? Will that memory soothe you when life comes knocking at the door?

In the 21st century, women are increasingly more empowered than their predecessors. They are now breadwinners, leaders in corporate organisations, motivational speakers etc. We add a lot of value to our world in many different ways.

When there is a crisis in the home, does virginity determine if she would be a woman of courage and prayer? Does that promise her husband a her submission?

In the light of intellectual ability, does virginity determine intelligence quotient? Does it guarantee that the children born into that home will be raised in the fear and admonition of the Lord?

Companionship is a serious matter when making a choice of spouse. It encompasses faith, values, morals, interests, and so on. A reasonable man in my opinion should seek for areas to build trust, strengthen affection and develop a team spirit rather than being completely engrossed in sexual exploits.

Before you crucify me, I'm not saying you shouldn't discuss your past experiences. Especially the ones that relate to previous relationships, mistakes. regrets and possible medical history such as an abortion, health challenges or even HIV status.

My point is that a man should not condemn a woman because of her past. She might have been reckless before she met Christ but if He forgave her and she has truly changed from her destructive sinful lifestyle you have no right to make her feel less of a human.

I was once told that a lady walked out of a seeming christian relationship because the man made it clear he wanted to marry a virgin by all means. She boldly took a walk because he probably wasn't interested in the story that led to her loosing it. Was she raped? Was she pressured into it? Did she go through some horrifying experiences as a child or teen? All he cared about was that she must be a virgin. It was a do or die affair!

Sometimes, some persons are of the opinion that if as a man you are not a 'virgin' then you don't deserve to marry one. I'm not totally in support of that but humanly speaking, I can reason with such people. If Christ has made them new creatures who are you Mr 'Righteous than all' to put them in bondage again?

Thank God for men of value who look beyond the past into the beautiful future God has prepared for those He redeemed. The virtuous woman in the bible did not become virtuous because she was married as a virgin. She was a woman of strength and courage. She was industrious, respectful and possibly a woman of prayer and wisdom.

Thanks for stopping by once again.
I would like to hear from you regarding this subject. Kindly drop your comments below.
God Bless You